Polyamory, threesomes, open relationships & cuckolding

Updated: Mar 20, 2019


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*DISCLAIMER: What is not okay for you, is not necessarily wrong for another person. If you feel a certain way about polyamory or any of the relations mentioned in the title — do not read any further*


Polyamory: The practice of engaging in multiple sexual relationships with the consent of all the people involved.

- Polygamy: A man who has more than one wife.

- Polyandry: A woman who has more than one husband.


Threesomes: A group of people engaged in the same activity (i.e. vaginal or oral intercourse)


Cuckolding: A man who allows another man to have sexual relationship with his wife (or girlfriend) while he watches


Open relationships: A marriage or relationship in which both partners agree that each may have sexual relations with others.

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Did you know poly-amorous relationships have been around since the late 1840s? It actually came to be thanks to the Oneidan's, whom are a spiritual based group, so they are not religious but nonetheless followed beliefs of early Christian's. Oneidan's believed that in order to "reach perfection and living without sin required abandoning traditional marriage views."


According to Noyes, the founder of Oneidan's, he believed that "the spiritual dimension of sex brought partners closer to God as well as each other." "The new commandment is that we love one another, not by pairs, as in the world, but en masse".

Did you know Mormon's practice polyamory, as well? If you don't believe it, look a little bit into it! I mention this because I know a lot of people tend to look at polyamory as 'sinful' but we must all remember, everyone interprets, practices and believes in their bible/teachings differently.


Polyamory, threesomes, cuckolding and/or open relationships are amazing; HOWEVER, they are NOT FOR EVERYONE. If I had a dollar for every time I heard a woman say "I did it to make him happy", "I wanted to add some spice because things were getting boring", "it was my idea but I don't want to do it anymore" or "I didn't want things to end so I tried to make it work". Let me make one thing clear — any of the above activities and preferences mentioned are NOT for everyone and I will say it until my face is blue. It is not a last resort to salvage a relationship. Using threesomes, cuckolding or agreeing on an open relationship can be like opening pandora's box.


The most important factor that both men and women forget is the work, trust and love it takes to be involved in something like this. Whether it be polygamy, polyandry, threesomes while in a relationship, cuckolding or open relationships. Time and time again I have seen relationships fail due to jealousy, possessiveness, regret for putting themselves in the position (no pun intended) in the first place, or worse — realizing that the inevitable cannot be stopped; one partner continuing to be unfaithful.


As often as these non-monogamous relations and activities work for some partners, it does not work for all couples. You must know your own limitations before participating in these activities with a partner. There is a lot of serious conversation that must be spoken about with your partner beforehand. Unless both parties are on the same page and agree on the same thing, the likelihood of this going downhill is higher than it actually working out.


Lack of communication is what causes these relationships to end. When you do something for the wrong reason, it does not always work. A lot of times polyandrous relationships or open relationships don't work because one partner realizes they prefer a monogamous relationship; which brings me back to knowing yourself and your own limitations.


I've noticed that in the world we live in today, a lot of women result to threesomes after their partner has been unfaithful... I hate to be the bearer of bad news but THAT DOES NOT WORK. More likely than not, 6 out of 10 times you will find out they have been unfaithful again even if you're involved in an 'open relationship' or 'throuple' as it is referred to now for partners that bring in a third to participate in partner outings and of course, intercourse.


*A few of you asked the same question: threesomes and what my opinion is on them while in a relationship.*


Here is my opinion:


Ladies, I am going to be very transparent with you all because I did get a lot backlash when I responded on my Instagram story on these partnerships/activities NOT being for everyone when I received the question on "threesomes while in a relationship". I, in fact, have been involved in all of the above so I assure you I can empathize, but that does not change the fact that these activities are not for everyone.


I have been lucky enough to be involved only when times are great and always exit when I feel things getting too serious (this is why I say you must know your limitations). In no way have I ever experienced or been involved in the turmoil that can potentially come from being involved in any of the above partnerships/activities, when done for wrong reasons. However, I have firsthand seen multiple relationships go down the drain because of threesomes gone wrong.


For those of you who want to invite a third into your partnership in order to add some spice in your relationship but don't want the girl to actually 'be a part of your relationship' (i.e. threesomes), I only have two words for you: be selective. Be VERY selective. I can't and believe me when I say, I literally can't stress selectivity enough.


If you feel 'off' about a man or woman that you have invited into your relationship, speak to your partner. Do not wait for something to go wrong, for you to speak up. Any relationship is based on good communication skills and great sex is based on GREAT communication skills.


Being involved in something as great as a polyamory, open relationship or swinging is amazing. Most people never stop to ask themselves if monogamy or polyamory is suited for them but without a doubt it is a hard realization for some, given the society we live in. For the most part, a lot of us grew up with only monogamous relationships around us, making it more difficult to toy with the idea of venturing outside of monogamy.


We live in a time where these kind of relationships will *luckily* one day be viewed as less taboo and more normative. Since the sex revolution in the late 1960s, the new generations are more open to exploring and stepping out of heterosexual monogamous behaviors. There are no statistics as of yet on the newer generations and their opinion on open relationships or polyamory but I am hopeful that one day I am able to contribute research on this, along with other sex educators and researchers.


Have you ever been unfaithful to someone that you loved tremendously but found yourself needing more excitement and ventured outside of your partnership? I ask because just recently, I was having a conversation with a close friend of mine and she quickly realized that she could possibly be into an open relationship or cuckolding. She also realized these are factors that she will take into consideration before choosing a partner again.


I've always heard a lot of slut-shaming and judging towards individuals who practice any form of non-monogamy, I've even heard things as bonkers as therapists telling their clients to not participate in anything outside of monogamy. Some would go as far as to say that anyone that ventures beyond monogamy is 'disturbed' (so rude, I know).


To be involved in polyamory, threesomes, cuckolding, swinging or open relationships is more complex of a love-style than monogamous relationships. I say this a lot to people and I can't emphasize it enough; to be involved in any of these kind of relationships takes a lot of self-awareness, high self-esteem and interpersonal skills, much more than monogamy. There is no solid research on the personality characteristics of those who practice non-monogamy but I am SURE there are distinct differences when compared to those who practice monogamy.


Personally, I have realized the hardest part of non-monogamous relationships is knowing the exact amount of attention to give to both individuals without making the other jealous. It is clear that polyamory relationships are more demanding and the more we continue to see monogamy as the only or 'correct' love-style, the more difficult it becomes for others venturing out. Someone asked me when this topic came up, about jealousy and possessiveness when involved in any of these partnerships and I can only say one thing. Jealousy and possessiveness is not unique to monogamy. It does happen within poly-amorous relationships and open relationships, as much as it does in monogamous relationships.


A popular author named Thomas Moore once said, "We may have to let jealousy have its way with us and do its job of reorienting fundamental values. Its pain comes, at least in part, from opening up to unexplored territory and letting go of old familiar truths in the face of unknown and threatening possibilities."


Mr. Moore was not referring to polyamory, but he might as well have because he was definitely onto something. I'm honestly so surprised that it hasn't occurred to anyone yet to do research on jealousy and the individual traits within a person who is very jealous. Jealousy is very confusing but I've noticed that it does not vary much at all per individual because we are all emotional beings and jealousy will happen. The only thing that varies is the intensity of the jealousy among each individual. (I won't go into jealousy too much, as that is not what this blog post is about, although I have began doing some research on it. If a separate post on jealousy is something you would all like to see, email me!)


I've always said it and I will continue to say it. I think threesomes are a great experience, a lot of fun and it kind of sucks that so many people think about having one but don't do it because they might be judged, ashamed or guilty. Threesomes are not for everyone and if it's not for you, no one is here to tell you differently about your beliefs on it. However, there are a lot of women who would love to try it but don't know where to start.


I am here to tell you, if you are a single woman or man, who has toyed with the idea of having a threesome. DO IT. Don't wait until you're in a relationship with a man or a woman to want to try it. If you happen to be in a relationship and want to try it with your partner, tread lightly and be cautious of how you bring this topic up to your partner (not everyone takes this topic well; in my experience, I've gotten yelled at). There is literally nothing 'shameful' or 'wrong' about it and if someone has an issue with it, they aren't right for you. Everyone is entitled to their own preferences and way of living life and you DO NOT owe anyone an explanation for it. Did you know in 2017 the most frequent search on relationships on the Google engine was polyamory? People are always curious but all this stigma around non-monogamy hinders others from trying new things that may be of interest.


You never really know what you're into it until you try it, right? So don't knock anything until you've tried it. If you know me, you know I urge those around me to always explore in life, especially sexually. Be a free bird (as long as you're single or have that agreement with your partner because I do not condone being unfaithful)


The only way out of jealousy is through it

“Security comes first from inside of you. Then, if you are very lucky, you will be in a position to find other people who also possess that same sort of security, and build some sort of family or community as a team.” - Anthony D. Ravenscroft


#SexTalkWithSteph #STWS

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