Orgasms, Cumming & Squirting — OH MY!


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"I didn't know what an orgasm was until I had a real orgasm" - a close friend, who will obviously remain anonymous.


If you're wondering why I started off this post with that quote — it's because a lot of us didn't know what an orgasm was until we had a REAL orgasm. And I mean toes curling, heavy breathing, possibly eye-rolling orgasm. Funnily enough, after she said that I quoted that to some other friends of mine, all of which agreed. Achieving an orgasm may seem like a tedious task, at times.


Orgasms, cumming and squirting. The amount of individuals who messaged me in shock that orgasms and cumming vs. squirting are all different things, was not only eye-opening but a refreshing reminder as to why I love sex education as much as I do and why Abstinence Only Education is not beneficial to any human being. All of these terms are used to refer to a woman having climaxed but they are different. Science is STILL catching up to us — as is the research on cumming vs. squirting. Contrary to popular belief, squirting can be very difficult for a lot of women. Myself included — it took me a good four years of trying by myself to achieve it and have never been able to achieve it with a partner. However, after achieving it once, I understood what the 'hype' was about because it was the most amazing release, LIKE EVER.


- Orgasms: The sudden discharge of accumulated sexual excitement during the sexual response cycle, resulting in rhythmic muscular contractions in the pelvic region characterized by sexual pleasure.

- Cumming: The release of a thick, creamy, white substance from the female prostate (i.e. g-spot)

- Squirting: The release of a diluted fluid (urine and prostate fluid) from the urinary bladder


Don't ask me why but for what ever reason, there is not an extensive amount of research on the differences between cumming and squirting. If I was able to research professionally, at this point in time, I would be on that like white on rice — but I am not there yet in my career so I will sit back and wait to contribute my own research. In the mean time, all of your personal stories are great for future research!


Let's start with the basics; female ejaculation aka squirting or cumming is widely linked to stimulation but it is indeed different from vaginal orgasms, according to a study conducted by the Texas Journal of Women and the Law in 2012.


Penetrative sex does not mean you will orgasm

A huge misconception is that there must be penetrative sex in order to achieve an orgasm and that honestly could not be any further from the truth. The most sensitive, sexual part of any woman's body is *DRUM ROLL* the clitoris. However, women can orgasm by stimulating the front anterior wall of the vagina (g-spot), the back wall of the vagina or the cervix.





Findings from the Texas Journal of Women and the Law have shown that the release of fluid from the urethra can occur during stimulation of sexual areas (i.e. erogenous zone). Essentially this would mean that halfway between the back of the pubic bone and the cervix, which is where the urethra is located, is typically what others refer to as the g-spot, which is what is said to trigger squirting. Researchers have found that squirting or cumming do not directly correlate with clitoral orgasm, which explains why a woman can orgasm and not squirt or cum.

Having trouble achieving an orgasm? There is no need to panic! There are so many women out there who are having pleasurable sex and are also unable to achieve an orgasm. Orgasms can be elusive; however, when you relax and let go of thinking there is something wrong with you, then it may become achievable!


If you feel that you have tried everything you can in order to achieve an orgasm and have been unsuccessful (no one knows your body better than YOU) the first step should always be to visit your gynecologist to rule out any medical reasons, perhaps medication (if on any medication), stress, depression/anxiety, or post-birth.


As per the DSM-IV, about 10% of women do not experience an orgasm throughout their life.

Female Orgasmic Disorder according to the DSM-IV is characterized by "difficulty experiencing orgasm and/or markedly reduced intensity of orgasmic sensations" for more than a 6 month period or 'lifelong' which refers to being unable to achieve an orgasm since the person has been sexually active.

The key to successful orgasms, just like working out in the gym, is all about practice. If you're not sure where to start, try playing with your clitoris and work out what feels best, before sharing your findings with your partner.Teach yourself to orgasm through a partner-friendly method (i.e. using your fingers) or guide them on what feels good for you during oral sex. Another approach could be inviting your vibrator into bed with you. Some men are threatened by vibrators but most men aren’t. Always speak to your partner about pleasure toys and what they mean to you before whipping it out because you don't know if they'll have a great reaction or a disappointed reaction.


Tips to achieve an orgasm:


- Play with yourself (I cannot emphasize this enough)

- Pleasure toys, pleasure toys, PLEASURE TOYS (womanizer, vibrating wand, g-spot rabbit, sensual massager, etc.)

- Let go of your thoughts. Try to keep an open-mind and release any tension or worries in your mind

- Kegels (helps tighten the vagina and improve orgasms)





I really want to emphasize again that we should NOT be faking our orgasms ladies! If you can't climax, you can't climax. There's no need to validate a man, woman, or ourselves by faking an orgasm. It is only natural and also normal to not achieve an orgasm every time you are aroused and that is the point I am trying to make. Moving forward, just because a woman is unable to orgasm does not mean there is something wrong or that she had bad sex. Sometimes you can squirt or cum while being unable to orgasm, other times you may orgasm and not be able to cum or squirt. There is nothing wrong with either or, as long as you are aroused and enjoying yourself. Sex is meant to be pleasurable and enjoyed, not scrutinized.


"Some women have been faking orgasms for so long that they sometimes fake one when they are masturbating.” - Mokokama Mokhonoana


As always, thank you for reading and I hope this was an informative read for you all. I always enjoy myself writing, not only for myself but for my readers. I would like to start receiving more questions from you all on topics so that I am better able to answer more specific questions you may have. If you have ANY questions about anything that has to do with sex/sexuality, please email or direct message me on Instagram :)


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